i feel fake. there's really no other way to describe it. it's like feeling that i'm constantly lied to, and that i just make up depictions of things in my mind to make myself feel better. i'm fooling myself. and i'm lonely.
i've also (somehow) seen more chick flicks this weekend than in my entire life, which might be affecting my judgement. i've realized some things... haven't decided if it's good or bad yet. i'll let you know when i find the courage to say it.

did you see the sky today?! there was a gorgeous rainbow this afternoon and a beautiful collage of blues this evening. i took pictures. let me know if you'd like to see them some time.

i'm such a hopeless romantic. hopeless being the key word. these stupid dreams and rediculous ideas are nothing but pretense. it just adds to the "fake" feelings i get. i'm still in high school, and unless i make some changes, i'm going to drive myself crazy with dreams. ironically, however, i wouldn't give them up for anything. they make me unique.

wednesday, thursday, and friday i spent in the company of family and friends.
saturday and sunday i spent alone. at least for the vast majority of the days. my parents have been out from early morning until late at night for both days, and i've been alone. i talked to some people, i went to the academy, i saw andrew a bit... that's it. a girl has a lot of time to think with circumstances such as these. let me tell you, a hopeless romantic cooped up inside for two days straight that ends up doing little other than watching chick flicks that i've never taken an interest in- that leads to problems.

it's 9:00, i've still got homework, and i'm still sitting by myself in an empty house. at least i've got a boy meets world marathon and Mulan on the disney channel to keep me company while i work, blog, and dream. right?

a few things i'm thankful for this thanksgiving..
1. my family- no matter how broken up and frustrated it may become
2. my friends- no matter what i say or think at times, there are still some people that are always there for me.
3. walks in the rain
4. my sax
5. scarves
6. the other musical instruments i own
7. my sax
8. a certain person that most likely does not know who they are, but does a lot for me. i've told this person that i appreciate all that they do for me, but i've never told this person quite how much they mean to me. i will some day. i'm grateful for you, mystery individual.
9. andrew. he puts up with me, even though i'm still bent on pushing him away.
10. my confusion- it's good for me
11. my pictures
12. my memories
13. bunches of other little things that would take me forever to list

happy sunday.

no one to tell us no
or where to go
or say we're only dreaming